Skits and Editors (July 4th, 2008)

[Natalia]

Wow, it's great to hear that you've found an editor! From the example you posted, he's doing a great job and I really love it. However, there's one thing I'd like to ask:

Original:
Wife
If I go outside, I have to be careful with my skin<heart>

His edit:
Wife
With my pale skin, I have to be careful when I go outside.  Unless I'm covered in platemail, I start looking like a giant tomato within a couple minutes, and then the next day my skin starts sloughing off like I'm molting.  It's very unattractive.

Am I the only one who's less than enthusiastic about changes like this? Changing things to sound more natural in English is great, but this is just making stuff up. It's supposed to be "more interesting", right? I would really like to know what's there in the original, not what the tranlation team (translator & editor) added because they thought it was funny - that's why I want to read/play a fantranslation over the official version in the first place.

(I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh. I'm really amazed at the work you've done over the years and I'll cheer for you whatever you do, but this really bothers me.)

[Cless]

As the disclaimer in the post states, not everything is going to be liberally edited like that. I assume he did it like that because

A) The original is extremely dull
B) It feels like it's missing something after the jump between languages (this project is an attempt at localization, not a straight-across translation). Japanese is intentionally vague sometimes and it often doesn't come across seamlessly in English translation.
C) It's a townsperson who had nothing particularly important to say. I left a note saying it's okay to be a bit more liberal with them than plot points.

I did suggest to him that he might be overdoing it in a place or two in the townsperson sector. Indeed, that one in particular is probably longer than necessary even for a localization. For testing purposes, I saw this more as of a display of his creativity, which will surely become very useful when it comes to adapting things like jokes. There may be a few insignificant pieces of dialogue still edited similarly, but it will not be like that everywhere and definitely NOT like that in story scenes.

One thing of note was that the test consisted of two files; one with random pickings across the script and another containing the entire indoors script to the first town. He didn't actually make any major changes to anything in the town file. The random pickings file was a lot more constraining, and felt a lot more demanding of "edit me!". There's only so much you can do to show yourself when you only have a piece of the whole to work with.

[Cheetah]

Excellent to hear that he is taking time at the beginning to plan and develop ideas. It's all good in my book.

[Natalia]

I'm glad to hear that.

I realise that every translation is also an interpretation and that sometimes, a proper localisation is more important than a direct/literal translation that would actually omit some of the original text's meaning. That's why I prefer your approach to that of some other fantranslators (whether it's for a game or a manga or whatever). I was just a little afraid that you/the editor/the team in general might be overdoing it.

From what you've said now, it sounds like you're all well aware of that and that you've got a good handle on when to change stuff and when to leave it alone. (Did I mention that that's really good to know? ;))

Thank you for taking the time to anwer! <3

[Craymel]

B) It feels like it's missing something after the jump between languages (this project is an attempt at localization, not a straight-across translation). Japanese is intentionally vague sometimes and it often doesn't come across seamlessly in English translation.

Yeah, that's true. They get especially vague when they're about to introduce a special object, weapon a other things like that. It kinda gets on my nerves when watching anime.

We have no choice but to use it!
No! Not that! If we use that some generic bad thing I wont mention might happen!
Do you think I really want to use that!

You get the picture. This is kinda like the standard thing to do to increase suspense.

[Kajitani-Eizan]

Yeah, that's true. They get especially vague when they're about to introduce a special object, weapon a other things like that. It kinda gets on my nerves when watching anime.

We have no choice but to use it!
No! Not that! If we use that some generic bad thing I wont mention might happen!
Do you think I really want to use that!

You get the picture. This is kinda like the standard thing to do to increase suspense.

QFT. this is really, really grating. i dunno if japanese culture is like that, or it's standard in japanese dramatic fiction, or what, but good god it's super lame in english.

[Cyllya]

I'm a little concerned with the meaning being changed, but I figure you'll do a good job of keeping it under control if necessary, Cless.

Here is my last comment on the script. At the beginning of this scene Martel has stated that the "World tree" is named "Yggdrasill" and I feel that it should be used accordingly. I just feel if you're gonna name the tree then use the name. In this scene I'd replace "World tree" with "Yggdrasil" for these lines.

The name of the tree in Japanese is "Sekaiju Yggdrasill." Sometimes the characters call it the full thing, sometimes they call it Yggdrasill, more often they call it Sekaiju. If the Japanese script switches between the two, the English script should be able to do so also.

But I do agree with using Yggdrasill a bit more often than it's used in Japanese. In Japanese, Sekaiju flows better than Yoogoodorashil. In English, Yggdrasill flows better than World Tree (even if you're using ToS's pronunciation of it).

Martel<HLINE>
No... for the World Tree that set down its roots at the time of the world's creation, there is no such thing as a life span.<PAGE>
(No... the World Tree's roots were set down during the planet's genesis; this tree has always existed.  The mere passage of time will not kill it.)

The bolded part is not there in Japanese, and its addition causes a plot hole (continuity error with TOS).

[Cless]

I'm a little concerned with the meaning being changed, but I figure you'll do a good job of keeping it under control if necessary, Cless.

gogs is also on script QA, so there shouldn't be much to worry about, I think. If there's something I miss, I'm sure he'll catch it.

The bolded part is not there in Japanese, and its addition causes a plot hole (continuity error with TOS).

I should've thought a little more deeply on that one. dof

[nusakan0]

The bolded part is not there in Japanese, and its addition causes a plot hole (continuity error with TOS).

Whoops, sorry about that.  I was just saying it as an extension of "the World Tree that set down its roots at the time of the world's creation."  I've not yet played ToS, so I wasn't aware that it created a continuity error.