Skits and Editors (July 4th, 2008)

[Cless]

Not a huge post, but definitely worth its own thread.

We've selected an editor. He rocks. He's pretty creative and did a fantastic job coloring in dull writing in the test script and making everything sound natural. I'm sure you'll like him! He's currently away right now, so I won't be posting the site update which names him until he returns.

And finally, new stuff has been translated, and that stuff is the skits! They're finished! Now pending edit. Huge thanks to Hino Rei for his diligence the past few days. And I need to start preparing the skit script files for insertion purposes.

[ForceCube]

We've selected an editor. He rocks.
(...)
And finally, new stuff has been translated, and that stuff is the skits! They're finished!

Two words: HELL YEAH.

[Cless]

ah, hell why not.



And with the text on there being 100% consistent with the Vesperia demo, I don't think there will be any difference between that and the final. Yippee.

[Kevassa]

ah, hell why not.



And with the text on there being 100% consistent with the Vesperia demo, I don't think there will be any difference between that and the final. Yippee.

So then it is extremely official the "arte" instead of "skill"?

[Cless]

Well, it was Techs before, but I've decided on Artes as that's what they've been hanging onto since Abyss was released. (Legendia had that whole Eres thing so they couldn't really use it in that one).

[pedrocasilva]

Well, it was Techs before, but I've decided on Artes as that's what they've been hanging onto since Abyss was released. (Legendia had that whole Eres thing so they couldn't really use it in that one).

Still, games that take place on that temporal plane so far (ToS, and ToP), have used Skills, although I don't know what ToS2 uses. (still in Japanese)

[Cheetah]

Great news, I would really appreciate some previews of your new editor's work. If not that is fine, it would just be cool to see how it works. "Artes" works for me, really it makes little difference.

[Cless]

ToS used "Tech," ToP GBA used "Skills." But neither had Peter Garza working on them, who has been trying to keep/introduce standards in the localizations. Artes is a firm decision and it's staying that way. I like it better than the old generic terms.

As for his edits, I'm pretty fond of this one...

Original:
Wife
If I go outside, I have to be careful with my skin<heart>

His edit:
Wife
With my pale skin, I have to be careful when I go outside.  Unless I'm covered in platemail, I start looking like a giant tomato within a couple minutes, and then the next day my skin starts sloughing off like I'm molting.  It's very unattractive.

The original's pretty boring. And this is throw-away townsperson dialogue, so I really don't mind if he gets a bit creative with it.

Now, however, don't expect *every* random townsperson to have ongoing text like this or anything. He might do things differently when he's actually working on the official files. I just see this as his creativity work, which I'm positive will prove very useful.

Another townsperson piece:

Original:
Woman
What a huge port city!

Woman
So many people to meet.

(his edit of the second page)
(So many things to see, so many people to meet... maybe I'll run into a tall, dark, and handsome stranger...)

And here's an edit of a full story scene. If he had an edit for the line, it's in parentheses.

#05ab
// Cless<HLINE>
// 「この光景は・・・」<PAGE>
// 樹の精霊<HLINE>
// 「私が、見えるのですか？」<PAGE>
// 樹の精霊<HLINE>
// 「声が、聞こえるのですね？」<PAGE>
// 樹の精霊<HLINE>
// 「ならば、聞いて下さい」<PAGE>
// 樹の精霊<HLINE>
// 「滅びの時が、近いことを・・・」<PAGE>
// 樹の精霊<HLINE>
// 「あなた方だけにでも、知っても<HLINE>
// 　らいたいのです」<END>
Cless<HLINE>
This scene...<PAGE>
(This looks familiar...)
//I'm just guessing on the context of this line; please disregard if not correct.

Tree Spirit<HLINE>
Can you see me?<PAGE>

Tree Spirit<HLINE>
Can you hear my voice?<PAGE>

Tree Spirit<HLINE>
If you can, please hear me out.<PAGE>
(If so, then I implore you: hear me out!)

Tree Spirit<HLINE>
My time of destruction... draws near.<PAGE>

Tree Spirit<HLINE>
There is something I wish that be known, even if only by you.<END>
(There is something I wish to be known, even if only by you.)

#064a
// 樹の精霊<HLINE>
// 「私は、世界樹『ユグドラシル』<HLINE>
// 　に宿る精霊『マーテル』」<PAGE>
// マーテル<HLINE>
// 「今、世界樹ユグドラシルの死期<HLINE>
// 　が近づいています」<PAGE>
// Klarth<HLINE>
// 「それは、寿命ということか？」<PAGE>
// マーテル<HLINE>
// 「いいえ、創世の時代より大地に<HLINE>
// 　根付く世界樹に、寿命はありま<HLINE>
// 　せん」<PAGE>
// マーテル<HLINE>
// 「マナが枯渇しようとしているの<HLINE>
// 　です・・・」<PAGE>
// マーテル<HLINE>
// 「精霊達と魔力の源であるマナは<HLINE>
// 　この世界樹から生まれているの<HLINE>
// 　です」<PAGE>
// Klarth<HLINE>
// 「・・・・・・」<PAGE>
// マーテル<HLINE>
// 「御存じではありませんか？」<pressO><END>
Tree Spirit<HLINE>
I am Martel. I am the Spirit who rests in the World Tree, Yggdrasill.<PAGE>

Martel<HLINE>
Right now, the time of Yggdrasill's death draws near...<PAGE>
//"Right now" is unnecessary.

Klarth<HLINE>
Is it at the end of its life span?<PAGE>
(What, is it dying of old age?)

Martel<HLINE>
No... for the World Tree that set down its roots at the time of the world's creation, there is no such thing as a life span.<PAGE>
(No... the World Tree's roots were set down during the planet's genesis; this tree has always existed.  The mere passage of time will not kill it.)

Martel<HLINE>
It is because mana is being exhausted.<PAGE>
(It dies because the world's mana is being exhausted)

Martel<HLINE>
The mana, source of all Spirits and magical power, born from this World Tree.<PAGE>
(Mana, the source of all Spirits and magical power, springs from this World Tree.)

Klarth<HLINE>
......<PAGE>

Martel<HLINE>
Did you not know of this?<pressO><END>

#065d
// Klarth<HLINE>
// 「何だって！？」<PAGE>
// Klarth<HLINE>
// 「本当なのか？」<PAGE>
// Klarth<HLINE>
// 「この樹一本で、世界中に満ち足<HLINE>
// 　りるだけのマナが？」<PAGE>
// マーテル<HLINE>
// 「そうです」<PAGE>
// Klarth<HLINE>
// 「にわかには信じがたいな」<PAGE>
// マーテル<HLINE>
// 「嘘は、申しません」<PAGE>
// マーテル<HLINE>
// 「世界樹が、枯れた後でなければ<HLINE>
// 　信じてはもらえませんか？」<PAGE>
// マーテル<HLINE>
// 「精霊も魔術も、全てが失われて<HLINE>
// 　からでなければ・・・」<PAGE>
// Klarth<HLINE>
// 「・・・・・・」<pressO><END>
Klarth<HLINE>
What did you say!? Is that true?<PAGE>
(That's ridiculous!)

Klarth<HLINE>
This tree, that holds enough mana for the entire world by itself?<PAGE>
(Are you telling me that this single tree holds enough mana for the entire world all by itself?)

Martel<HLINE>
That is correct.<PAGE>

Klarth<HLINE>
This is difficult to take in all of a sudden.<PAGE>
(That's a little hard to swallow, I'm afraid.)

Martel<HLINE>
I speak no lies.<PAGE>

Martel<HLINE>
You will not believe me unless the World Tree has already withered?<PAGE>
(Will you believe me only when the World Tree has already withered and died?)

Martel<HLINE>
Until after all Spirits and magic have been lost...<PAGE>
(Until Spirits and magic are no more?)

Klarth<HLINE>
......<pressO><END>

#0673
// <unk1>Cless<HLINE>
// この精霊が言ってることは、本当だと思いますよ」<PAGE>
// Cless<HLINE>
// 僕とMintが住んでいた１００年後の世界には、魔術は存在しませんでしたから」<PAGE>
// Cless<HLINE>
// それに、僕は見たんです」<pressO><END>
<unk1>Cless<HLINE>
I think that what this Spirit's saying is true.<PAGE>
(Klarth, I think this Spirit is telling us the truth.)

Cless<HLINE>
After all, magic doesn't exist in the world Mint and I live in one- hundred years after this.<pressO><END>
(Think about it; Magic doesn't exist in the world Mint and I came from, only a hundred years from now.)
//Cless<HLINE>
//And... I saw it.<pressO><END>

#0684
// Cless<HLINE>
// 「この樹の、枯れ果ててしまって<HLINE>
// 　いる姿を・・・」<PAGE>
// Klarth<HLINE>
// 「本当なのか？」<PAGE>
// Klarth<HLINE>
// 「だとしたら・・・」<pressO><END>
Cless<HLINE>
This tree, all withered and...<PAGE>

Klarth<HLINE>
So it's true?<PAGE>

Klarth<HLINE>
If that's so...<pressO><END>

#06a3
// マーテル<HLINE>
// 「マナは、世界樹ユグドラシルが<HLINE>
// 　生き続けるために必要です」<PAGE>
// マーテル<HLINE>
// 「しかし、魔術で消費されたくら<HLINE>
// 　いで枯渇することはないのです」<PAGE>
// Klarth<HLINE>
// 「では、なぜ？」<PAGE>
// マーテル<HLINE>
// 「わかりません・・・」<PAGE>
// マーテル<HLINE>
// 「何らかの強い力がマナを大量に<HLINE>
// 　消費しているとしか・・・」<PAGE>
// Cless<HLINE>
// 「何とか樹を助ける方法はないん<HLINE>
// 　だろうか？」<PAGE>
// Cless<HLINE>
// 「魔術がなければ、ダオスを倒す<HLINE>
// 　こともできなくなってしまう」<PAGE>
// Klarth<HLINE>
// 「私の研究も無駄になってしまう<HLINE>
// 　な・・・」<END>
Martel<HLINE>
Mana is necessary for Yggdrasill to continue to live.<PAGE>
(Mana is Yggdrasill's lifeblood; the tree needs it to live.)

Martel<HLINE>
However, consumption from magic alone is not enough to deplete mana.<PAGE>
(However, the World Tree's supply of mana cannot be depleted from the simple casting of spells.)

Klarth<HLINE>
Then... what's draining it?<PAGE>

Martel<HLINE>
That, I do not know.<PAGE>

Martel<HLINE>
It can only be something of great power consuming vast quantities of mana...<PAGE>
(Only a being of extraordinary power consuming tremendous amounts of mana could do this...)
//Would it be correct to say that "only a being of extraordinary power could consume such vast quantities of mana?"

Cless<HLINE>
Is there nothing we can do to save the tree?<PAGE>

Cless<HLINE>
Without magic, we won't be able to defeat Dhaos either.<PAGE>
(We... we need it.  Without magic, we won't be able to defeat Dhaos...)

Klarth<HLINE>
And all my research will have been for naught...<END>

#0742
// Klarth<HLINE>
// 「待ってくれ！！」<PAGE>
// Klarth<HLINE>
// 「まだ、聞きたいことが・・・！」<END>
Klarth<HLINE>
Wait, please! There's still more I wish to ask...!<END>
(No, please, don't go!  I have so many more questions...!)

No serious liberties taken with the story scene, and that's how they shall be handled in the final.

[Craymel]

HI HI! I'm glad to some big news posted and I think you're doing a great job. I've been following this project for a while now (2006 I think) so I'm excited to see how close you're getting to a release. I actually have a few comments on the sample of the script you posted. Not that I think it's bad because I don't. I also have another question too which I'll leave at the end. I know this is just a sample and may not actually be finished yet but I've been dying to get my opinions out (even if you don't want to know).

First I think this line should be "if so, then I implore you: listen to me!" instead of hear me out. The tree spirit uses formal and flowery language through out the scene and I feel "hear me out" just doesn't fit with the rest of her dialogue.

Tree Spirit<HLINE>
If you can, please hear me out.<PAGE>
(If so, then I implore you: hear me out!)

I may be a little too nit picky here but I feel the word "what" is unnecessary. I like "Is it dying of old age?" better by itself. I feel it's short and sweet and flows better too. I'm all about the flow

Klarth<HLINE>
Is it at the end of its life span?<PAGE>
(What, is it dying of old age?)

Here I think it should be "its mana" instead of "the worlds mana". Yggdrasill supplies mana to the world right? So it's not really the "worlds" mana to begin with. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Martel<HLINE>
It is because mana is being exhausted.<PAGE>
(It dies because the world's mana is being exhausted)

I may be nit picking again. I feel "magical power" should be changed to just "magic" . I feel this makes the line conform with the rest of martels dialogue. Also later on the term "magic" is used in the same context and I feel this change just makes the script more consistent. Oh one more thing. I also feel that "from this World tree" should just be "from this tree". "from this World tree" gives of the impression that there is more than one "World tree". I wanna replace it with tree because it reinforces the fact that only this one tree supplies mana to the world. 

Martel<HLINE>
The mana, source of all Spirits and magical power, born from this World Tree.<PAGE>
(Mana, the source of all Spirits and magical power, springs from this World Tree.)

I think this line should be "Are you telling me this one tree holds enough mana for the entire world?". I felt that "all by itself" was unnecessary and that the "one" instead of "single" is a bit more affective in saying it's just this one tree supplying the worlds mana. I also feel it strengthens the sense of scepticism I feel Klarth has when asking this question.

Klarth<HLINE>
This tree, that holds enough mana for the entire world by itself?<PAGE>
(Are you telling me that this single tree holds enough mana for the entire world all by itself?)

I feel the word "already" hinders the flow of this line (again all about the flow) and isn't necessary.

Martel<HLINE>
You will not believe me unless the World Tree has already withered?<PAGE>
(Will you believe me only when the World Tree has already withered and died?)

Here I think "Think about it" hinders the flow of this line and is unnecessary (told ya I was all about the flow)

]Cless<HLINE>
After all, magic doesn't exist in the world Mint and I live in one- hundred years after this.<pressO><END>
(Think about it; Magic doesn't exist in the world Mint and I came from, only a hundred years from now.)

I feel that this line should be "I saw this tree, all withered and..." I feel this enhances the flow from the following line "And... I saw it" to this line.

Cless<HLINE>
This tree, all withered and...<PAGE>

To answer the editors question I feel "something" should be used instead of "being". The word "being" is a bit too specific. "Something" would be more appropriate because it's more general and it actually does turn out to be a "thing" consuming the mana later on as well.   

Martel<HLINE>
It can only be something of great power consuming vast quantities of mana...<PAGE>
(Only a being of extraordinary power consuming tremendous amounts of mana could do this...)
//Would it be correct to say that "only a being of extraordinary power could consume such vast quantities of mana?"

In this line there's not much reason for Cless to struggle at the beginning so I feel it should be "We need it! Without magic, we won't be able to defeat Dhaos!". I think making him appear worked up after finding out his only means of defeating his enemy and the reason his village was destroyed seems more fitting. 

Cless<HLINE>
Without magic, we won't be able to defeat Dhaos either.<PAGE>
(We... we need it.  Without magic, we won't be able to defeat Dhaos...)

Having Klarth use the word "naught" doesn't really fit. It's a bit too flowery for him and I feel the word "nothing" would better suite his character.

Klarth<HLINE>
And all my research will have been for naught...<END>

Here is my last comment on the script. At the beginning of this scene Martel has stated that the "World tree" is named "Yggdrasill" and I feel that it should be used accordingly. I just feel if you're gonna name the tree then use the name. In this scene I'd replace "World tree" with "Yggdrasil" for these lines.

Martel<HLINE>
No... for the World Tree that set down its roots at the time of the world's creation, there is no such thing as a life span.<PAGE>
(No... the World Tree's roots were set down during the planet's genesis; this tree has always existed.  The mere passage of time will not kill it.)

<HLINE>
You will not believe me unless the World Tree has already withered?<PAGE>
(Will you believe me only when the World Tree has already withered and died?)

Martel<HLINE>
However, consumption from magic alone is not enough to deplete mana.<PAGE>
(However, the World Tree's supply of mana cannot be depleted from the simple casting of spells.)

Obviously if you were to take this advice you would replace "World tree" with "Yggdrasill" through out the rest script as well.

Now that that's over. I also wanted to ask if your patch for this game will work for linux based oses like ubuntu.

[Cless]

That was just the test. When he works on the bigger picture, he may decide to do things quite differently...

[habilain]

Regarding the patch and OS compatibility: First off, it's an Xdelta 3 patch, and Xdelta 3 does work on Linux - so there will definitely be a way of getting the patch to work under Ubuntu. Second off, the patcher GUI I'm working on is being developed using wxWidgets, so it should be fine under Ubuntu as well - in fact, the older version started life under Ubuntu.

Thirdly, plural of OS is OSs, as OS is an abbreviation for Operating System. (If you get to pick something apart, I'll do the same. /joke). Seriously, as this is the edittor test I don't think it's been QC'd, so there will probably be some improvement, in addition to Cless's comment.

Note: For those wondering, the patcher program - not the patch itself - will be GPL'd so as to comply with the Xdelta 3 license. There would also be a Mac version apart from I don't have a Mac to compile it under.

[Craymel]

That was just the test. When he works on the bigger picture, he may decide to do things quite differently...

I know this is just a sample and may not actually be finished yet but I've been dying to get my opinions out (even if you don't want to know).

Thanks habilain for the reply. I'll try to remember to use OSs instead of oses from now on too 

[Cless]

That was just the test. When he works on the bigger picture, he may decide to do things quite differently...

I know this is just a sample and may not actually be finished yet but I've been dying to get my opinions out (even if you don't want to know).

And that's what I get for posting just before going to bed...

[Cheetah]

Everyone will have different opinions on how things could be worded and reworked, I think the important thing is that we have one person dedicated to the project that is willing to do the whole thing. When I was reading the preview there were a few changes I was wondering about, but ultimately we could spend decades nitpicking and it just isn't worth it. I'm liking how the new editor is doing things, is he active on this board yet? I feel like the translators and editors could benefit from being a part fo the community and getting more of our support for motivation.

Did those character write ups and discriptions for the editors ever get done? I think they are important for establishing a cohesive image of the characters.

All very exciting stuff thanks for the preview Cless!

[Cless]

Actually, he's doing some pretty heavy brainstorming on how he wants to write the dialogue for the main characters right now, and have that style reflected as much as possible in every single text box.

As far as I know, he doesn't have a presence on the forum and I'm unsure if he intends to have one.

[Craymel]

You could point him toward the ova. That's what I was thinking when I posted some of those comments on the sample.

EDIT: I wonder if he'd even have time to watch it though?